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May 6, 2019Dr. Heck and his wife Margie will guide couples through a liturgical retreat that shines the beauty of the Catholic Mass directly onto the sacrament of marriage. This relationship-building retreat is designed for married couples looking to invest in their marriage. It is not just for troubled marriages, but for all couples looking to strengthen their marriage.
Dr. Heck is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Indianapolis with Family Counseling Associates, a group mental health practice he founded 1993 (FCAHelp.com). A formerly ordained Protestant Pastor, Dr. Heck and his wife, Margie, entered the Catholic Church in 2003 after several years of diligent study, regular dialogue and arduous prayer.
Last year, Dr. Heck led this retreat through the Adult Faith Form & Evangelization ministry at St. Joan of Arc parish in Kokomo. We sat down with Dr. Heck to learn about this retreat and his new book.
How is Marriage a “Liturgy”?
I chose the term “liturgy” as it conveys so many elements that are characteristic of a marriage. For instance, a liturgy is a set of routines and rituals, just as a solid marriage will demonstrate. A liturgy is an act of sacrificial service, just as spouses must be for each other. A liturgy is a story being played out in real life, just as marriage is a story being written by the two “actors” and God. And a liturgy is above all a prayer, just as marriage is a testimony of our prayerful conversation with God.
What led you to write this book, The Liturgy of Marriage?Having practiced as a therapist over the past 30 years I have witnessed many couples come to me in a dire state, even a state of crisis. Often I say to myself, “If only I had seen this couple ten, five or even one year earlier.” The book is my chance to share with those “before-crisis” couples some of the principles and practices that can actually keep them out of my office. I also wanted to illustrate to readers how faith and marriage are not exclusive---how faith builds and strengthens a marriage.
In your book, you talk about the 12 most difficult words to say, including ‘I am sorry’ . . . you call it a Sign of Peace. What role does reconciliation play in a marriage?
Reconciliation is vital in any marriage, given that there are no perfect spouses. We all fail and that is precisely why we must have a process for repair. Acknowledging wrongdoing, taking responsibility and seeking forgiveness is an absolute necessity for every couple. Otherwise we are left to a gradually deteriorating relationship filled with disappointment, resentment and severe loneliness.
Who would benefit from this Married Couples Retreat?We have couples from all walks of life and all stages come to our retreats. From newlyweds to couples celebrating decades of marriage, there is something for everyone to take away. We make it practical and give hands-on tools and resources so couples really feel that they not only had a chance to get away together and learn some important principles, but to gain ways to improve their relationship immediately.
How can couples discover the holiness of their marriage?
This is what our Catechism teaches is a central purpose of marriage—to bring the spouses to holiness. Marriage then is a vocation into which the man and woman enter to experience that refining process of becoming just who we were meant and created to be, holy sons and daughters of God.
What are some of the threats to marriage?
We are living in a world that is anything but friendly to marriage. The media poses a serious threat with exposure to themes and images and false representations of relationships. As well, the world of screens, devices, phones and computers is a significant problem for all marriages as they contend for time and space. Beyond that, this present culture is not at all supportive of marriage and family. It seems we live in a world that is anything from skeptical to all out against traditional marriage.
What are indicators of healthy marriages?
Healthy marriages are not perfect, but they do have some practices that set them apart, including the ability to repair after an argument, a capacity for conversation, a strong friendship, a climate of appreciation and affirmation, and much more. We will explore many of these elements and characteristics in the retreat together.
How is this retreat set up?
The retreat includes five sessions with time for private “Bringing it Home” exercises between each couple. In addition, I will be available to schedule private meetings for couples to discuss their relationship. Other activities include a couple’s activity, the opportunity for a Holy Hour, Reconciliation, Morning Prayer, Rosary and Vigil Mass.
Why is this retreat being offered four times in the coming months?
We know it is hard for couples to find time to get away together, so there are four opportunities to make this retreat. Find the date that works best for you and your spouse, or schedule couples in your small group, bible study or other ministry to attend together. Flexibility is key, and these dates make it easy to find the best fit for you and your spouse
June 7-8, 2019 Retreat—Register by May 31st
September 13-14, 2019 Retreat—Register by September 6th
May 1-2, 2020 Retreat—Register by April 24th
The cost is $280 per couple which includes Dr. Heck’s newest book, “The Liturgy of Marriage: Building Your Relationship with the Rite Stuff.” The retreat is limited to 14 couples who will stay overnight in the St. Stephen Wing, a unit of the 2nd floor with full-service, queen guest rooms. For more information about Dr. Timothy Heck, visit liturgyofmarriage.com.
